i should really clean my room too bad i’m a useless piece of shit who sleeps all day and can’t garner the energy to pick up my own shit and keep my room comfortable
my mom is the craziest, most irrational person i have ever met in my life
wow mom i fucking just made you dinner and listened to you bitch for an hour and that’s totally cool by you but the second i ask you a question when you’re busy and i want something you don’t feel obligated to provide all bets are off aren’t they
fuck
you
fuck you fuck you fuck you
I think having a blog instead of friends this summer has made me really self-centered
I noticed this talking to some random chick on MSN, she wasn’t asking me enough questions and I specifically thought, “i only want internet friends if the relationship is about me”
and then i realized that was a very terrible thing to think and now I am even more excited that in a week and a half i’ll be able to drive and therefore make real friends and stop thinking everything revolves around me
i just did the good person thing and instead of telling someone that he was a horrible waste of space and deserved to die, i disconnected and then i closed omegle
gosh
the internet just makes it really really hard to love people
it makes me look at people and assume they are horrible
and idk
people are horrible
i don’t want to hate everyone
but people just suck so much
everyone sucks
what’s even the point in being nice when every single other fucking person on this waste of space earth is wasting space and killing resources and acting like they’re so fucking smart all the time
i just try so hard not to let all this shit overpower me but sometimes i can’t just accept the fact that everyone is horrible and useless including myself and my loved ones
i am just sad
wow i am really overwhelmingly unhappy isn’t that adorable? i love feeling like i am about to die and not knowing what to do i love having a dead dad and no friends it is literally the best
my poor dad
he was just so sad and nobody could help him and it’s just so sad
i’m glad that he died knowing that i loved him at least
i think he deserved to feel that way for once
i am in a lot of pain most of the time and it sucks, mostly because i’m worried that if my 18 year old body is this fragile and sore, that i’m probably going to just get more and more sore as i get older. thinking about being sore makes my joints hurt. i am scared for my body. also my scoliosis makes me awkward and bras hurt and sitting hurts and i just want to be active and able to do things but i’m always in pain and it’s not just my back, it’s my wrists and ankles and head and pretty much everywhere.
maybe i’m just sore because i’m depressed
i feel like my needs are everybody’s last priority and the meds i’m taking are more to help my mom not have to deal with me than they are to help me feel better
and it just sucks, i can never leave the house and i made one friend with this cat and he’s leaving and that sounds so pathetic but man, i’m so lonely and i love that cat and it’s just not fair
i’m really sad
dear mom,
it’s not fair to call 11 year olds bitches behind their back just because you hate their parents, even if they are bitches
and it’s not fair for you to throw things at walls that divide your room and my room because (i hope) you know how stressed out this whole fiasco is making me too and how easy it is to give me panic attacks, even still, and i’m sorry but i need you to be less stressful because it can ruin my whole day
and please get permission before even opening my bedroom door. i need a safe place.
love you,
ro
okay so instead of calling my boss and telling him that family issues are going to prevent me from showing up to work for perhaps a month
and instead of sitting here in my goddamned room with the smell of fucking meat permeating through my closed door
hearing the chaos of horrible people being loud and moving out
and listening to my mom get drunk and cry and whine
i
am
going
to
bed
so this’ll be the third time i’ve dealt with a divorce
great example for relationships you’re giving me there mom
