fuck yeah, manbraids

my mom didnt answer my calls today idk

Mon, 13 May 2013 01:26:21 -0400

my mom didnt answer my calls today idk

im so mad and stressed and i hate looking at myself and hearing my fucking voice bye

Sat, 11 May 2013 00:59:37 -0400

im so mad and stressed and i hate looking at myself and hearing my fucking voice bye

know what sucks!?? genders

Sat, 11 May 2013 00:54:32 -0400

know what sucks!?? genders

i would rather suffer than make myself even slightly vulnerable and that has always been and...

Sun, 21 Apr 2013 02:37:48 -0400

i would rather suffer than make myself even slightly vulnerable and that has always been and continues to be a problem for me

stressin because i’ve got a big project to do and i don’t want to do it at all no not at...

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 22:58:12 -0400

stressin because i’ve got a big project to do and i don’t want to do it at all no not at all. i’m going to fucking explode. every time i start working on this project i get really anxious. i don’t think i can go to college right now. i think i need to learn how to perpetuate my existence first. i thought i was feeling better the past few days but wow wow wowowow i am severely lacking in emotional reserves right now

I dug my own grave here so I am spending the rest of the night reading and cleaning and painting a...

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 21:37:11 -0400

I dug my own grave here so I am spending the rest of the night reading and cleaning and painting a stupid picture that will bring me no joy. my mom is so so crazy and she is ignoring me and it’s making my stomach hurt but whatever I don’t need her. when she finally returns my calls I am going to yell at her and probably insult her but she deserves it. do you know what she did. apart from calling the cops on my brother (which I feel like, as the only person with my brothers best interests in mind, involves me, but which my mom would tell me is not my problem) she told the cops apparently that I am unstable and abusive. well nothing makes me feel more unstable and abusive in this universe than being reduced to a sob story by my lying two faced mother. what a shitty person. I’m getting nauseous.

i dont think i identify as a gender anymore because everything just sucks. i can’t think of a...

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 23:36:48 -0400

i dont think i identify as a gender anymore because everything just sucks. i can’t think of a way that i would be comfortable. i am not capable of functioning actually. what do you do when you have a lot of skills but you can’t go to school or work? i’m nice and smart and talented but i literally can not take care of myself and there’s no way around that being a fact of any life.

well I had a day that was vry good and somewhat bad and of course I am focusing on the bad even...

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 02:48:10 -0400

well I had a day that was vry good and somewhat bad and of course I am focusing on the bad even though its 100% being offended by and scared of made up things. my project is to let myself feel the way I feel but stay firmly grounded in the reality of the situation, that everything is fine

i was just remembering something cute that happened when i was hanging out with my new friend we...

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 15:36:17 -0400

i was just remembering something cute that happened when i was hanging out with my new friend

we were at a coffee shop and this old man turned around and very slowly sized us up and then said “you are a couple of beautiful…kids”

i guess we were both sufficiently androgynous to make that guy go “i think something queer is happening there but i’m just not sure how” and that made me feel great actually? esp that he thought we were Beautiful wow what a compliment. how nice of that guy to say to a couple of greasy rebels. but we are beautiful.

i may be failing to cope with life really bad this week but at least strangers and peers and hot people think i am cool and beautiful and if thats my contribution to the world i guess it’s enough for right now

do not associate happiness with a person. that will make you sick. note to self

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 00:52:18 -0400

do not associate happiness with a person. that will make you sick. note to self

ok i worked out i feel better. i had a thing to think about and i thought about it! also i had an...

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 03:32:32 -0400

ok i worked out i feel better. i had a thing to think about and i thought about it! also i had an unrelated idea. also i worked out which is so healthy for me and i’m proud of myself for doing it. xo

i felt so cute and capable this morning now i feel like everybody is so terrible

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 01:52:06 -0400

i felt so cute and capable this morning

now i feel like everybody is so terrible

hmmmmmmm very sudden downhill flop here

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 01:51:05 -0400

hmmmmmmm very sudden downhill flop here

feeling real sad and overwhelmed and sick all of a sudden. heheh awesome. im gonna try to go work...

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 01:39:11 -0400

feeling real sad and overwhelmed and sick all of a sudden. heheh awesome. im gonna try to go work out and see if that makes my mood better or if it just makes me wanna cry

god i feel like it took me a while to reach the point where i can say ‘i literally don’t...

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 03:26:27 -0400

god i feel like it took me a while to reach the point where i can say ‘i literally don’t think i’m capable of falling in love’ and have that be awesome. DONt wanna fall in love/ love cut’s just like a knife/u make the knife feel good/ill fight you till the end

i have had a lot of sex in the past year and most of it was uncomfortable. i did a lot of things that should make a person uncomfortable such as being the person that a man with a young child was cheating on his wife with and having a foursome and sleeping with someone twice my age and having sex on a lot of different kinds of illicit drugs, but also just having like regular sex with my ex girlfriend was the same amount of uncomfortable as all that

i feel like having it be established that i don’t want a relationship with someone is really important for me. i don’t want a relationship no matter what. not even with the ‘right person,’ cause the right person for me, for someone like me is someone who just wants to hang out and maybe smang out 2. no strings attached, no secret strings later, just friends, and that feels good to me

yeah i just feel a little bit awakened because last night i had the best sex time of my life and i didn’t even take my clothes off and it was because i was comfortable with the fact that it was just friendship stuff and i wouldn’t owe her anything later. not to mention getting gender and body respect the likes of which i’ve literally never experienced

thank

god

i like life! i think i’m gonna text her and be like ‘hey thanks for last night it was really fun and sort of important for me so rock on let’s hang and smang soon xo’ haHA i’ve got a giddy crush. i was thinking about this on the bike ride home from the gym (*flexes truly MASSIVE biceps*), how can i have a CRUSH one someone if i’m aromantic??? i’m new as all heck to this. well i think i figured it out, it’s a good situation that makes me happy, with a beautiful (truly goddamn amazingly fucking hot) person who reciprocates my friendship feelings and my body urge feelings, and that’s exciting and i want to spend time with her and i think that’s an alright way to feel for an aromantic. tho i am the last person to put a lot of stock in labels. a boner is a boner. tho i do feel good to have a succinct term for this and a better understanding of it because of that label! thanks for the label!

thank god!!! i’m sorry for the Long post if you read the whole thing i dont even know what

and the other thing about dating and touching is that i assign a LOT to people touching me usually....

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 00:41:00 -0400

and the other thing about dating and touching is that i assign a LOT to people touching me usually. as a person who has been misinterpreted by a lot of people as an appropriate feminine force to pursue, sometimes with awesome intentions even, i have learned that usually when people think i am hot, they think i am a hot girl who wants to be treated like a hot girl ,which means treated differently than a friend, and both of those things make me uncomfortable as hell. and they think they might be able to ‘date me’ which means a loss of some of the freedom, space, independence that are the most important things to me. so i think it’s not ‘touching’ that i hate like i thought i did. i think it’s the fact that usually being touched is being claimed

hey wow this isn’t even sad let me tell you something nice so i think i am aromantic yes i...

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 00:34:36 -0400

hey wow this isn’t even sad let me tell you something nice

i think i am aromantic

yes i thought i was asexual but that made me confused cause I LIKE people i really like them and i find a lot of people very hot. the thing i hate is dating them. like owing people things. having obligations to people. having more committments to the people you’re ‘dating’ than the people you’re friends with.

i found this out because i hung out with a very very cool aromantic person

i’m very excited about it and thinking about it a lot because this person is wonderful. i think we’re a good match for being friends and touching parts and not having to worry about other things. i’m so glad i don’t have to worry about things with this person who i am very attracted to. isn’t that nice

i feel like the gap between me and worthwhile people has closed. very suddenly. i was feeling like the only people who i really wanted to see were on the internet and like i had to settle for hanging out with people who i didn’t really want to hang out with, mostly. i have 2 good friends who live close enough to me for me to see but i guess i have three now

i sort of feel like the universe gave me something nice. just bottled up a sign inside this really cool human being and was like “listen, you don’t have to settle for something you don’t want, because here’s something you want, and you can have it, and you deserve it, and you deserve nice things.” i am assigning a LOT to this brand new friendship and i probably shouldn’t be. but whatever we spent like a day and a half together and it was really nice and i am excited about it.

i get to be ecxcited about new friends who are people i would dream up to be friends with. cause i don’t believe in this load of crap about ‘you can never have too many friends.’ i tried that with a boy from my school who was following me around and i tried to be like ‘hey i HATE DATING and also you have a girlfriend so of course this will go nowhere’ and he STILL TRIED TO TOUCH ME i just feel like everyone’s fucked up and i want to be friends with real people now and i’d rather have no friends than friends who fucking disrespect my physical boundaries you know

this was long but i wanted to get it out

it’s been good the past few days, let’s ride those waves

hey thanks everyone who is following this for being good people and good friends XOXoxoxox i am...

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 16:25:19 -0400

hey thanks everyone who is following this for being good people and good friends XOXoxoxox

i am doing what i need to do today and skipping an important doctor’s appointment that i didn’t prepare for and that is OK and i will be ok

and i am going to call my mom and lie to her about why i need two thousand dollars but whatchagonna do nobody ever taught me how to manage money. for the past five years i’ve had so little that i’ve learned to spend money while i’ve got some because it won’t last. i’m trying to unlearn that but it’s hard work. i’ve got some adjustments to make to my lifestyle namely i can eat at restaurants ONCE a week and i have got to write it down so as to hold myself accountable. i forgot what it’s like not to have food stamps so sometimes i just feel like “fuck it, groceries cost as much as subway” but they TRULY don’t. and eating at home is healthier anyway. and i keep eating all this cheese and i’ve even made exceptions to my vegetarianism a lot lately because i truly don’t give a fuck about anything

oh well. i got so bad yesterday that i had to go to a crisis chat online or something and i’m really not gonna let it get that bad again

i have got an appointment with my therapist on monday and i’m going to tell her about the fact that my personal philosophy has deluded me into actually believing suicide would be an objectively good idea and hopefully we can work on that

ok anyway thank you all for following this i really appreciate that you people have been there for me through so much of me acting like an asshole xoxoxo

i should really clean my room too bad i’m a useless piece of shit who sleeps all day and...

Wed, 12 Oct 2011 19:23:00 -0400

i should really clean my room too bad i’m a useless piece of shit who sleeps all day and can’t garner the energy to pick up my own shit and keep my room comfortable

my mom is the craziest, most irrational person i have ever met in my life wow mom i fucking just...

Tue, 27 Sep 2011 21:47:29 -0400

my mom is the craziest, most irrational person i have ever met in my life

wow mom i fucking just made you dinner and listened to you bitch for an hour and that’s totally cool by you but the second i ask you a question when you’re busy and i want something you don’t feel obligated to provide all bets are off aren’t they

fuck

you

fuck you fuck you fuck you